Meanwhile, senators released Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh’s calendars from the summer of 1982. The judge claims the calendars help him prove that he didn’t sexually assault Ford.
Troy Aikman Warns Fans About Comparing Concussions Between Eras
LOS ANGELES—Noting that new rules and increased athleticism have transformed the NFL, former quarterback Troy Aikman warned fans Wednesday about comparing today’s concussions to the brain injuries from earlier NFL eras. “It’s just an entirely different game now. Sure, there are guys doing incredible harm to their…
Kavanaugh Sobering Up After 35-Year Bender Shocked To Find Out He’s Supreme Court Nominee
WASHINGTON—Growing increasingly confused as he slowly adjusted to his surroundings, Brett Kavanaugh was reportedly shocked Wednesday to find out he’s a Supreme Court nominee after sobering up from a 35-year drunken bender. “Oh, Christ, what the hell happened last night? What am I doing here?” said the yet-unconfirmed…
‘Boy Meets World’ Turns 25
September 24 marks the 25th anniversary of the debut of Boy Meets World, the hit ABC show following the coming-of-age story of Cory Matthews. The Onion looks back at some memorable milestones from the show’s seven-season run.
‘The Investigation Ends Now,’ Growls Shadow Counsel Holding Mueller By Throat At Top Of Washington Monument
WASHINGTON—After brutally launching the head of the special counsel investigation into Russian election interference through every marble pillar of the Jefferson Memorial, the nefarious shadow special counsel held Robert Mueller by the throat at the top of the Washington monument Wednesday and hissed that “Your…
Checked-Out Drill Sergeant Just Calling Every Cadet A Chowderhead
32 Things You Don’t Need But Will Definitely Buy Anyway
Where ‘Human Zoos’ Once Stood, A Belgian Museum Now Faces Its Colonial Past
When the Royal Museum for Central Africa reopens, it intends to finally confront a sordid part of Belgium’s history — the exploitation led by King Leopold II which killed millions in Congo.
(Image credit: Alphonse Gautier/RMCA, Tervuren)
An Arizona Prosecutor Will Question Brett Kavanaugh And Christine Blasey Ford For The GOP
Things I Ended Up With Because I Didn’t Want to Be an Inconvenience
Ria Sardana writes a humorous list of issues that resulted from not wanting to be an inconvenience.