Boyfriend Not Sure If He Expected To Leave Party Just Because Girlfriend Heading Out In Ambulance

COLUMBUS, OH—Sighing with exasperation that his date decided to take off early, local boyfriend Dan Havenforth was reportedly unsure if he was also expected to leave the party Friday just because his girlfriend was heading out in an ambulance. “I’m not ready to leave yet, should I be expected to abruptly end my night…

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Concerned Mother Pores Over Troubled Son’s Journal For Anything That Could Implicate Her

WADSWORTH, OH—Wanting to detect any danger before it was too late, concerned mother Kelsey Morales told reporters Thursday that she had spent hours poring over her troubled son’s journal for anything that could possibly implicate her. “There’s probably nothing to worry about, but I just want to go through it all in…

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Reflection Looks Way Drunker Than Woman Anticipated

SANDY SPRINGS, GA—Startled by the glazed-over pair of eyes staring back at her in the mirror, local woman Kelsey Houghton confirmed Wednesday that her reflection was way drunker than she had anticipated. “Jesus fucking Christ, what happened?” said Houghton, who reportedly leaned close to the bathroom mirror,…

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