Shinzo Abe’s Assassin Annoyed By Lousy Seats At State Funeral

CHIYODA, TOKYO—Craning his neck in frustration between the heads and shoulders of the many dignitaries and officials seated in front of him, 42-year-old assassin Tetsuya Yamagami was reportedly annoyed Tuesday by his lousy seats at the state funeral of former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. “Sheesh, I get that I wasn’t…

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Every Question For Tesla Job Candidate About Raising Baby With Elon Musk

AUSTIN, TX—Noting that her hiring manager seemed particularly interested in her skills as a future mother, Tesla job candidate Laurie Silva told reporters Tuesday that every question she’d been asked during her interview had been about raising a baby with Elon Musk. “I think it went well, but most of the last hour was…

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