Carnival Worker Practically Held Together With Duct Tape

ROCKFORD, IL—As she walked through a traveling fair in town for the weekend and observed the ramshackle condition of the entire operation, local teen Ryley Graham pointed out Friday that one of the carnival workers was practically being held together with duct tape. “It looks like that guy is only standing because of…

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Chaperones Instructed To Turn Away Any Students Who Show Up To Prom With Pussy On Their Breath

RICHTON, MS—After being reminded of the district’s zero-tolerance policy, chaperones for the Richton High School prom were reportedly instructed Friday to turn away any students who showed up to the dance with pussy on their breath. “Be on the lookout for kids who seem sweaty or flushed, and if you catch even a whiff…

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‘Your Father Would Be So Proud Of You,’ Says Mother Adjusting Teen Son’s Condom Ahead Of Prom

BRISTOL, CT—Remarking how he looked exactly like her late husband when they were in high school, local mother Janet Greene told her son Friday that his dad would be “so proud of him” as she adjusted his condom before prom. “Son, I know it’s hard, but your dad is watching over you right now and is looking down on you…

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