New NFL Combine Drill Tests Player’s Ability To Half-Ass Taping Of Local Sandwich Shop Commercial

INDIANAPOLIS—In an effort to gain a fuller picture of prospective players and ensure they would be good fits for the teams that drafted them, a new NFL Scouting Combine drill tested a player’s ability to half-ass a taping of a local sandwich shop commercial, sources confirmed Monday. “As part of our new drill, invited…

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Stable, Content Woman Only Has A Few Months Left Before Thinking About Ron DeSantis Every Day

SPOKANE, WA—Letting out a gratified, peaceful sigh as she sipped her morning coffee, local stable, content woman Gina Dore reportedly remained unaware Monday that she only had a few months left before she would be thinking about Ron DeSantis every day. According to sources, Dore was blissfully able to go about her…

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