US Virgin Islands Powerball
03 Dec 2022
Saturday
Powerball
Power Play: 4
USA Powerball – 03 Dec 2022
USA Powerball
03 Dec 2022
Saturday
Powerball
Power Play: 4
Biden Signs Legislation To Avert Crisis Of Treating Rail Workers Like Humans
WASHINGTON—Praising the last-minute agreement to deny the laborers any sort of civility or respect, President Joe Biden signed legislation Friday to avert a crisis in which rail workers might have been treated like actual human beings. “We were only a week away from a nationwide catastrophe in which we would have been…
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NYC Will Hospitalize Mentally Ill People Involuntarily
New York City mayor Eric Adams directed police and emergency medical workers to take individuals who appear “mentally ill” into custody involuntarily for psychiatric evaluations. What do you think?
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Full-Faced Black Hood™ Drops Kanye West As Celebrity Spokesperson
NEW YORK—In response to the rapper’s recent antisemitic comments during his appearance on conspiracy theorist Alex Jones’ Infowars show, head-covering company Full-Faced Black Hood™ announced Friday it had ended its partnership with Ye, formerly known as Kanye West. “We have taken the decision to terminate Ye’s…
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New World Cup Fan Frantically Searching Online For Any Information He Can Find On Country Of ‘United States’
BETHESDA, MD—Trying to learn more information about the team he recently decided to root for, new World Cup fan Brian Edman was frantically searching online Friday for any information he could find on the country of the United States. “This is my first time getting into the World Cup and I didn’t know who to root for,…
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The Onion’s Style Guide To Always Supporting The Police
Police face an incredibly difficult task in maintaining order in a barbaric hellscape like America, and journalistic ethics require news sources like The Onion to report the truth accurately from the officers’ perspective. Amid ongoing criticism of how the media portrays violent acts by law enforcement, we’re sharing …
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Life After Laser Vision Correction
You’ll be twenty-five per cent less likely to immediately die in the apocalypse.
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Author: Zoe Si
Trevor Noah steps away from ‘The Daily Show’, embarks on new standup tour
Trevor Noah is stepping down as host of The Daily Show after seven years. We’ll listen back to portions of two 2016 interviews with Noah, whose newest standup comedy special just premiered on Netflix.
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Author: Terry Gross
Woman Embraces Holiday Spirit By Telling Strangers She Doesn’t Speak To Her Family
ANN ARBOR, MI—With a twinkle of seasonal cheer in her eyes as she informs well-wishers of her estrangement from her closest relatives, area 34-year-old Lisa Vandersmith embraces the spirit of the holidays by telling complete strangers she doesn’t speak to her family, sources reported Friday. “Oh, yes, I hope you have…
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