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What Should We Do About The Supreme Court?
As the Supreme Court begins a new term following a year filled with controversial decisions, including the overturning of Roe v. Wade, some critics have called the court’s legitimacy into question. The Onion polled all 330 million Americans for ideas on how to reform the court and restore its legitimacy in the eyes of…
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Most Controversial Texts Sent To Elon Musk About Twitter
After Elon Musk’s texts became public because of his legal dispute with Twitter, The Onion compiled and published the most disturbing, demented, and bizarre messages the Tesla CEO received.
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In ‘Tár,’ a brilliant but manipulative conductor orchestrates everyone around her
Cate Blanchett learned to conduct, play the piano and speak German for this thought-provoking film about genius and the abuse of power.
(Image credit: Courtesy of Focus Features)
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Author: Justin Chang
Report: This Our Annual Headline About Hockey
CHICAGO—With the season about to start, reporters at The Onion’s downtown offices stated Friday that this is our annual headline about hockey. So here you go, sources confirmed. The cultural presence of the National Hockey League basically requires us to do at least one headline about hockey each season, reporters…
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Tom Brady Urges Rob Gronkowski To Join Him For Last Year Of Marriage
TAMPA BAY, FL—Promising that together, there was nothing the former teammates couldn’t do, Tom Brady reportedly urged Rob Gronkowski on Friday to join him in Tampa for his last year of marriage. “Hey man, I know you said you were done, but there’s no one else I’d want alongside me for my final year with Gisele and the…
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9 more ways to show your friends you love them, recommended by NPR listeners
Last month, we asked NPR’s audience to share creative ways they show affection in their platonic relationships. Some ideas? Ask friends how they’re really doing … and give them the gift of time.
(Image credit: Malaka Gharib/NPR)
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Author: Malaka Gharib
Biden Tries To Hammer Board Into Sand To Kick Off Post-Hurricane Rebuilding Efforts
FORT MEYERS BEACH, FL—After surveying the devastation of Hurricane Ian along the Florida Gulf Coast, President Joe Biden held a press event Friday at which he tried to hammer a ceremonial board into the sand to kick off the area’s rebuilding efforts. “Well, that should do it,” said the president, who attempted to…
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Velma Confirmed As Lesbian In New ‘Scooby-Doo’ Film After Years Of Ambiguity
A new Scooby-Doo Halloween special will be depicting Velma as a lesbian on screen, putting to rest decades of speculation about the beloved character’s sexuality, in the first definitive portrayal of her as queer in the popular cartoon franchise. What do you think?
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Pavlov’s Neighbor Has Had It
“Every day, for months now, I have watched you lead a pack of dogs into your laboratory, only for the dinging to commence.”
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Author: Nate Odenkirk