Conservative Man Proudly Frightened Of Everything

FLOWER MOUND, TX—Condemning the “woke left” for what he called the “modern evisceration of masculinity,” local conservative man Hank Daniels confirmed Monday that he was never going to stop being proudly frightened of everything. “I’m proud as hell to be scared of everything, and there’s nothing you can do to silence…

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Promising Journalism Student Already Self-Censoring To Parrot Corporate Talking Points

EVANSTON, IL—Finding it impressive that a young and largely inexperienced writer could create such professional work, journalism professors at Northwestern University reportedly praised a promising student Monday for his proficiency in parroting corporate talking points. “Incredible! Martin is watering down the facts…

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