Month: October 2022

In June, the mega-popular K-pop group had already announced a hiatus. On Monday, the band’s label and management company announced that all seven BTS members will be enlisting in the military.

(Image credit: Emma McIntyre/Getty Images)

Han Solo may be a hunk. But “Pan Solo” is a hunk of bread.

(Image credit: Jose Carlos Fajardo/AP)

This November, J.D. Vance will be on the ballot to represent Ohio in the U.S. Senate. The Onion asked Ohioans why they are voting for the venture capitalist and author, and this is what they said.

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Fossils are a humble, hidden constant in the city’s bustling ecosystem. And in my overstimulated life, seeking out a few constants in the world sounded pretty good.

(Image credit: Photo illustration by Meredith Rizzo/NPR)

VATICAN CITY—Frantically rushing to collect the scattered pieces of the valuable Catholic relic, bumbling American tourist Dale Humphries was reportedly visiting the Vatican Monday when he accidentally broke the pope. “Aw, geez, I didn’t even see him there, I’m such an idiot,” said the hapless U.S. dolt, who stood…

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WESTPORT, CT—Local white parents Dennis and Theresa Ludlow expressed skepticism Monday while confronting their white son about the fact that he brought home a white girl. “We couldn’t help but notice that the girl you brought over for Sunday dinner was white, huh?” said Theresa Ludlow, explaining that they had nothing…

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ATLANTA—In response to calls from community leaders to address the city’s most dangerous intersections, the Georgia Department of Transportation unveiled new Good Luck signals Monday for pedestrians trying to cross the road. “The signal will illuminate for 20 seconds, and within that time span hopefully walkers will…

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WASHINGTON—Calling the measure long overdue, the White House announced Monday that the Biden administration was now offering migrants a fast, legal path to deportation. “It is well past time that anyone who crosses the border into the United States is able to access a standardized, regulated framework to get…

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Have you, in the past ten days, experienced cough, sore throat, shortness of smell, loss of throat, intergluteal elm bark, Count Scrofula, or fisherman’s lonely-eye?

Nothing complicates a narrative like half a million dollars in cash. The show follows the saga of NXIVM cult leader Keith Raniere with a special interest in his second in command, Nancy Salzman.

(Image credit: HBO)