Rishi Sunak Named U.K. Prime Minister

Former U.K. treasury chief Rishi Sunak has become Britain’s first prime minister of color after being chosen to lead a governing Conservative Party, the third person to take the job amid a politically and economically turbulent year for the country. What do you think?

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Mother Informs Children That Grandpa Has Died For Real This Time

TULSA, OK—Sitting the kids down to break the bad news for the final time, local mother Julia Ivey informed her children Tuesday that their grandfather had died for real this time. “I know I’ve said this before, but Grandpa is actually dead now,” said Ivey, emphasizing that this death wasn’t like the many false alarms…

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Netflix Limits Users To One Eye Per Screen

LOS GATOS, CA—In response to reports that the streaming giant had lost significant revenue to rampant account sharing, Netflix announced Tuesday it had begun to crack down on users and limit them to a single eyeball per screen. “Starting today, account holders who watch Netflix programs will only be allowed to do so…

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Biblical Historians Reveal Jesus Christ Chose Stage Name To Sound Less Jewish

OXFORD, ENGLAND—Unearthing text excluded from the canonical Bible during the First Council of Nicaea, biblical historians at the University of Oxford revealed Thursday that the man recognized by Christians as the Son of God chose Jesus Christ as a stage name in order to come off as less Jewish. “According to these…

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