A List of My Priorities

I really can’t overstate the importance of meeting the kidnappers’ demands and bringing Aaron home safe and sound—assuming, of course, that I’ve already tended to my mental and physical well-being.

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Author: Django Gold

Shitty Music Has Helped Moron Through Hardest Times In His Pointless Life

CLEVELAND—Praising the incredible healing power of terrible art, local moron Todd Beram credited shitty music with helping him through some of the hardest times in his pointless life, sources confirmed Wednesday. “During some of my lowest moments, when I feel like I just want to disappear or that I can’t possibly go…

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