Lack Of Concrete Dinner Plans Leaves Power Vacuum Filled By Radical Pro-Tapas Fanatics

PRINCETON, NJ—With the entire evening now threatened by extremists, a lack of concrete dinner plans Friday left a power vacuum reportedly filled by radical pro-Tapas fanatics. “Without strong leadership deciding where to eat, those individuals pushing a rabid small plates agenda have taken on a troubling amount of…

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Want to Feel Old?

Sea levels have risen more than the length of your penis in the time it’s taken you to get over your ex-wife. Also, your back pain is unironic.

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Author: Alex Connolly, Ginny Hogan, Jason Adam Katzenstein

New Madden ‘Owner Mode’ Allows Players To Customize Concussion Study Findings

REDWOOD CITY, CA—Touting it as the most realistic update to their long running “Franchise Mode,” EA Sports revealed Friday that the new “Owner Mode” options in Madden 22 allow players to customize the findings of their own concussion studies. “Not only do you have to manage the salary cap and have relationships with…

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