Patrolling West Bank Just Not Same Without Big Cone Of Chunky Monkey In Hand

HEBRON, WEST BANK—Lamenting the loss of his favorite summer treat, Israeli soldier Avi Berman told reporters Friday that patrolling the West Bank just wasn’t the same without a big cone of Chunky Monkey in his hand. “I used to spend all summer walking down the streets, assault rifle in one hand, big ol’ waffle cone in…

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Man Can Already See Difference In Body After Just One Week Of Starting To Decompose

BUTTE, MO—Impressed by how fast the changes were occurring, local man Marty Kerrig could reportedly already see the difference in his body Friday just one week after starting to decompose. “Wow, I began this process only a matter of days ago, and I’m feeling looser and more flexible and noticing a big shift in my…

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