‘This Face Will Be The Last Thing You See Before You Die,’ Says Trump In Healing Address To Nation

WASHINGTON—In a powerful effort to bring unity to a fractured populace, President Donald Trump delivered a healing address to citizens Wednesday that his face would be the last thing they see before they die. “My fellow Americans, in this time of great distress, I urge you to look at my face and understand that it…

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Democratic Leaders Announce That They’ve Learned The Words ‘Systemic Racism’

WASHINGTON—Democratic leaders announced Wednesday that they have learned the words “systemic racism” and that they were very excited to have done so. “We have been informed of the phrase ‘systemic racism,’ and, beyond that, we plan to use it in several sentences,” said Minority Leader Chuck Schumer in an impromptu…

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