Outfit Only: I totally look like I’m in a sexy version of “Little House on the Prairie,” but I refuse to do a single chore.
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Author: Blythe Roberson
Cookie Monster Tries to Meet His A.I. Mandate
Me confused. Me know cookie inside and out! Now me has to use A.I. for cookie work?
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Author: Ysabel Yates
Currently on View in an Art-Fair Booth
If the art market ceases to exist, you’ll at least have a painting of Bart Simpson.
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Author: Colin Tom
Some Ways A.I. Might Do It
A.I. tells fifty per cent of people that knee-high socks are in and the other fifty per cent that no-show socks are in, and everyone dies in the Sock Wars.
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Author: Zach Zimmerman
Why I Free-Solo El Capitan
When some of you asked if I’d record my thoughts as I hang by my fingertips over my impending death, I thought, Why not?
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Author: Mike O’Brien
Your Parents’ Fall TV Preview
Have you considered “Six Hours a Day of MSNBC” on MS NOW (or Fox News, depending on your specific parents)?
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Author: Josh Gondelman
Updated Jane Austen Titles
Including “Brain-Rot Third Space” and “Based and Vibey.”
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Author: Edith Zimmerman
Arrangements I Would Accept
Marriage is hard; an arrangement is sexy, bold, mature. Getting married says, “I’m a romantic.” Having an arrangement says, “I know how the world works.”
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Author: Taylor Tomlinson
My Surefire, Can’t-Lose Polymarket Bets
Spot on my neck: Cancer? 88% Yes. 12% More tests are needed, none of which are covered by my insurance.
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Author: Shalom Auslander
Late-Night Dorm-Room Conversation Topics, Updated for Middle Age
Fuck, Marry, Kill: Income-tax returns, life-insurance policies, that folder explaining benefits that you received from H.R. when you were onboarded, and then immediately lost?
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Author: Shannon Reed