Relieved Ecologists Announce Rising Sea Levels Were Due To Clump Of Hair Clogging Drain At Bottom of Ocean

HAGATNA, GUAM—Expressing relief that the effects of the climate crisis were perhaps not as dire as previously thought, the world’s leading marine ecologists announced Monday that rising sea levels over the past century were mostly caused by a clump of hair clogging the drain at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. “We…

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