Trump Spent This Week Slowly Dropping His Caution On The Brett Kavanaugh Allegations. He Explicitly Broke It Today.
From saying that a process needs to play out to tweeting that his Supreme Court nominee is “under assault” from the “radical left.”
Trump Attacked The Credibility Of The Woman Who Says Brett Kavanaugh Sexually Assaulter Her
“If the attack on Dr. Ford was as bad as she says, charges would have been immediately filed.”
25 Fabulous Dresses That’ll Make You Stand Out In Any Crowd
Applicant Who Actually Faced Punishment For Sexual Assault Clearly Not Yale Material
NEW HAVEN, CT—Immediately dismissing the high school senior’s chances of acceptance after reviewing his record, Yale admissions officers reportedly decided Friday that an applicant who had actually faced punishment for committing sexual assault was clearly not Yale material. “We have a very high standard here at Yale,…
College Freshman Has Friend From Home Visiting Way Too Soon
GALESBURG, IL—Baffled by the unusual pace of their classmate’s social involvement, residents at a Knox College dormitory observed Friday that fellow student Andrew Witte had a friend from home visiting way too soon. “Well, okay. We’ve only been here a couple weeks, and Drew already has a high school buddy crashing in…
Sony Launching Retro PlayStation Classic In December
In the wake of the success of retro consoles like NES Classic, Sony will produce a miniature version of the original PlayStation for $99.99, which comes pre-loaded with 20 games, including Final Fantasy VII and Tekken 3. What do you think?
Man Who Just Beat Computer Solitaire Never Asked For Overwhelming Sensory Assault Of Victory Animation
UNION, KY—His eyes rolling back as the blinding light emanating from the display filled the room, local man Reeves Halko, his ragged voice barely audible over the deafening sound of cards shuffling faster and faster, confirmed Friday that he never asked for the overwhelming sensory assault of its victory animation.…
Will Monday Night Football Cut Jason Witten After The Analyst Went 0 For 65 While Talking?
Elon Musk’s Guide to Tomorrow: How to Fix Earth, and Also Leave It
Ricardo Angulo and Ben Solomon write a humorous missive in the voice of Elon Musk about fixing and leaving Earth.