The Maltese professor at the center of the Trump-Russia probe, described by lawyers as a “ghost,” was convicted by an Italian court after not turning up for a single day of his own trial.
15 Major Things Apple’s New iPhone Update Will Bring To Your Phone
Man Going To Restroom Deputizes Friend To Order Him Another Beer
HYANNIS, MA—Officially transferring authority for the duration of his planned absence, area man Will Lewis deputized his friend to order him another beer while he went to the restroom, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Hey, grab me another drink if the bartender comes back around,” said Lewis during a brief ceremony in…
Pope Starting To Suspect Bishops Getting Huge Erections During Meeting On Child Sexual Abuse Might Be Pedophiles
Dermatologist Recommends Not Caring So Much What Other People Think
TUCSON, AZ—While discussing the long-sought secrets of luminous, blemish-free skin, dermatologist Dr. Risa Helene strongly recommended Wednesday that patients commit to a routine of not caring so much what other people think. “The best treatment out there—far healthier than vitamin-rich creams or clinically tested…
Sweatshop Worker Doesn’t Even Want To Know Working Conditions Of Place Her Company Gets Fabric
DHAKA, BANGLADESH—Attempting to shake her thoughts regarding the horrific possibilities of the textile manufacturing industry, sweatshop worker Shanta Banek told reporters Wednesday that she doesn’t even want to know the working conditions of the facility where her company sources the fabric for their garments. “I…
Cameraman Strikes Gold With Tubby Fan Eating Ice Cream, Dancing, Holding Baby
18 Multipurpose Travel Products To Save You Money And Space
‘Football For A Buck’ Tells The Story Of The USFL In All Its Doomed Glory
For three years in the 1980s, sports fans could enjoy football in the Spring. Master storyteller Jeff Pearlman describes the league’s wild games, wilder players, and owners — including Donald Trump.
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What I Assume the Eighteen-Eighties Were Like
Seth Reiss writes a humorous essay about his misunderstanding of what life was like in the eighteen-eighties.