Kid Only Pitcher Because He’s Son Of Coach, Gets Daily One-On-One Training, Goes To Pitching Camp Every Summer

SOUDERTON, PA—Expressing frustration that he has not actually earned his position, Little League sources told reporters Friday that Rory Peters was only the team’s starting pitcher because he’s the son of Coach P, gets daily one-on-one training, and goes to an intensive pitching camp for six weeks every summer. “It’s…

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Christmas-Obsessed Woman Worships Christ Year-Round

MISSOULA, MT—Observing that she seems to “go a bit overboard” with her enthusiasm for the season, sources confirmed Friday that local woman Linda Gillespie is so obsessed with Christmas that she worships Jesus Christ throughout the entire year. “Even in summer, Linda will be brimming with the holiday spirit and…

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Derek Carr Distraught After Reading ‘Hard Knocks’ Script Where He Stabs Antonio Brown In Season Finale

NAPA, CA—Revealing that the writing staff kept his character arc a secret up until the final days, Raiders quarterback Derek Carr felt distraught Friday after reading the scene in his Hard Knocks finale script where he stabs Antonio Brown. “I know the showrunners have been setting up AB’s downfall, but it is still…

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