Anthropological Research Reveals Ancient Cultures Used Psychedelics To Increase Productivity Within Startup Companies

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—In a new study confirming a long-held hypothesis about early human societies, a paper published Friday in the Journal Of Anthropological Research concluded that ancient cultures used psychedelics to increase productivity within their startup companies. “In the fifth millennium BCE, workers in the…

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The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Meghan And Harry

Following the couple’s high-profile marriage and and ensuing exit from their positions as working royals, Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have opened up about what it’s really like to be a member of the royal family. The Onion spoke to the pair about their current projects, parenthood, and life…

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Mom Heartbroken That Daughter Looks So Fat In Casket

BELLEVUE, NE—A cry of anguish escaping her lips as she buried her face in her hands, local mother Patricia Dutton was reportedly heartbroken Friday over the sight of her daughter looking so fat in her casket. “No, no, no—she’s practically bulging out of the thing!” said Dutton, whose shoulders started shaking…

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