Study Links Stress To Desperately Grasping For Out-Of-Reach Weapon As Villain Approaches

CAMBRIDGE, MA—A new study published Wednesday in the Journal Of Behavioral Medicine has found evidence of a direct link between stress and one’s desperate attempts, when a villain is approaching, to grasp a weapon that’s just out of reach. “Cortisol levels in the brain increased dramatically in study participants who…

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Whistleblower Uncovers CIA Plot To Get President Laid

WASHINGTON—In a covert operation in which intelligence officials are believed to have targeted dozens of hotties across the globe, the CIA has engaged in a sophisticated, ongoing effort to get President Biden laid, a whistleblower at the agency told reporters Wednesday. “On numerous occasions, the Central Intelligence…

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