Cackling Oil Executive Watches Through Crystal Orb As Greta Thunberg Gets Lost In Nordic Forest

IRVING, TX—Throwing back his head as he let out a screeching cackle, ExxonMobil CEO Darren Woods was reportedly using his crystal orb Thursday to watch Greta Thunberg get lost in a Nordic forest. “Dear little Greta, you seem to have stumbled into quite a quagmire this time,” said Woods, grinning widely as he pressed…

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New Evidence Suggests Dinosaurs Would Have Driven Selves To Extinction Through Greed And Complacency Anyway

ITHACA, NY—Shedding new light on the vanished reptiles that once dominated the planet, paleontologists at Cornell University told reporters Thursday they had discovered evidence that suggested dinosaurs would have driven themselves to extinction through greed and complacency anyway. “New findings in the fossil record…

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