Lord Of Darkness Feeling Burnt Out By Repetitive Cycle Of Rising To Power, Being Defeated By Chosen One, Rising Again

THREE SEAS KINGDOM—Discouraged by his seeming lack of progress, the Lord of Darkness confirmed Friday that he was feeling burnt out by the repetitive cycle of rising to power, being defeated by the Chosen One, and rising again. “I mean, yeah, the entire land is blanketed in evil now, but how long until another…

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Avant-Garde DJ Really Gets The Dance Floor Thinking

MIAMI—A crowded nightclub reportedly erupted into contemplation Friday after an avant-garde DJ really got the entire dance floor thinking. “When that crazy-ass meditative soundscape dropped, everybody on the floor just started ruminating like wild,” said nightclub patron Lydia Wallace, adding that she and her friends…

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