BREAKING: This Is A Reminder That Your Appointment To Read ‘The Onion’ Is Scheduled For Today

CHICAGO—Urging you to reply “yes” within the next half hour to confirm, sources issued a late-breaking reminder Monday that your appointment to read The Onion is scheduled for today. “This is a courtesy message reminding you that your appointment with TheOnion.com is today at 2 p.m.,” read the statement, which also…

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