Inflation Jumps 7.5% Before Janet Yellen Realizes She Leaning Against ‘Turbo’ Lever

WASHINGTON—With markets tumbling as the Consumer Price Index climbed to a 40-year high, sources confirmed Friday that annual inflation had risen a full 7.5% before Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen realized she was reclining against a lever marked “turbo.” “Oh, shit, sorry,” said Yellen, who jumped up as soon as she…

Read more…

Go to Source
Author:

Pope Quietly Moves God To Different Universe After Deity Caught Molesting Altar Boy

VATICAN CITY—Acting swiftly and quietly in hopes of avoiding a PR nightmare, Pope Francis reportedly transferred God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, to a different universe Friday after He was caught molesting an altar boy. “You’re obviously a hugely valuable member of our organization, but we think given recent events…

Read more…

Go to Source
Author: