The Onion’s Fall 2021 Album Preview

Fall 2021 will see a bevy of hotly anticipated albums from both well-established and up-and-coming artists, many of which were written and recorded during the coronavirus pandemic. The Onion looks at the most-anticipated albums of fall 2021.

= (Ed Sheeran): Industry experts expect these songs will be played softly in…

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Man No One’s Looked Directly At In Weeks Concerned Everyone Can Tell He’s Balding

CHICAGO—As he anxiously examined his hairline in the mirror, local 32-year-old Bryce Keough, a man whom no one has looked at directly in weeks, became increasingly concerned Thursday that everyone could tell he was balding. “Jesus, this looks terrible—what am I going to do?” said Keough, who stared at his reflection…

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Horrified Anti-Vaxxer Discovers Every American Who Got Smallpox Vaccine In 19th Century Now Dead

LYNCHBURG, VA—Astounded by the damning information, local anti-vaxxer Pete Dixon was reportedly horrified Thursday after discovering that every single American who got a smallpox vaccine in the 19th century was now deceased. “We’re expected to follow along blindly with the CDC, but if people would simply look to the…

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