Emergency Room Staff Assures Parents That Burger King Chicken Fries Will Pass Naturally Through Child’s System

TULSA, OK—Comforting the worried couple that the common problem would likely work itself out on its own, Hillcrest Hospital ER staff assured parents Dave and Hilary Melford Tuesday that the Burger King Chicken Fries their son swallowed would likely pass naturally through his system. “We get a lot of worried moms and…

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Author: The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Onion

Man Calms Down From Violent Rage After Seeing ‘Or Current Resident’ On Misaddressed Letter

ROCKFORD, IL—Unclenching his fists as blood spilled from fingernail lacerations on his palms, area man Dan Collins reportedly calmed from a violent rage Tuesday after he noticed a misaddressed letter also included “or current resident” as the intended recipient. “Oh, thank God,” said Collins, panting as a pulsing vein…

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Author: The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Onion