Queen Reminds Worker Bees They Still Represent Colony Even When Away From Hive

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—In an effort to ensure they maintained a degree of professionalism and decorum during their travels, a queen bee sternly reminded her workers Monday that they still represented the colony even when they were away from the hive. “I want you to have a good time out there collecting pollen, but keep in…

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Author: The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Onion

Frustrated Tenant Only 5 Or 6 Days Away From Sending Gently Worded Email To Landlord

CHICAGO—Irritated over a cascading series of issues with his living space, tenant Lucas Brown told reporters Monday that he was only five or six days away from sending a gently worded email to his landlord. “There’s only so much one person can take, and if I have to deal with a leaking ceiling and a busted toilet for…

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Author: The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Onion

Etymology of Some Common Typos

Shouts & Murmurs by Ian Frazier: The word “jumptde” is an elongated verb form of pre-Celtic origin, later common in Turkic languages, which fell out of favor when it became kind of a pain.

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Author: Ian Frazier