Man Assumed Being Heartless, Egotistical Maniac Would Have Made Him Richer By Now

SAN FRANCISCO—Voicing frustration with a strategy that had inexplicably failed to pay off, local man Cole Peterson admitted to reporters Friday that he assumed being a heartless, egotistical maniac would have made him richer by now. “I really thought being a cutthroat asshole at work and selling out all my friends and…

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Author: The Onion on Local, shared by The Onion to The Onion

Republican Senators Maintain They’ll Weigh All Evidence Before Carrying Trump Out On Shoulders

WASHINGTON—Stressing that their duty to uphold the Constitution required impartiality in their role as jurors, Republican senators told reporters Friday that they would weigh all evidence before lifting President Donald Trump into the air and carrying him outside on their shoulders. “Look, as senators, we swore a…

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Author: The Onion on Politics, shared by The Onion to The Onion

Hashtag Challenge

Contestants Christian Thomsen and Nancy Libow face off in a game on Ask Me Another at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York.

In this audio quiz, contestants strike a pose and stay verrrrry still as they identify viral internet challenges.

(Image credit: Mike Katzif/NPR)

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This Is United States

Contestants Kathryn Brower and Alaire Comyn appear on Ask Me Another at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York.

The contestants swap two-letter terms and phrases for states that share those same two letters in this high-concept word game. It’s that simple!

(Image credit: Mike Katzif/NPR)

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The Swing Of Things

Jonathan Coulton leads a music parody game alongside Ophira Eisenberg on Ask Me Another at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York.

In this music parody game, songs from the New Jack Swing movement are rewritten about things that very literally swing — or can be swung.

(Image credit: Mike Katzif/NPR)

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