Real-Life ‘Katamari!’ This Drunk Driver Is Still Dragging The Cyclist He Hit

Calling all Katamari Damacy fans—you’re going to love this! If you were into this Namco classic, you’ll definitely be excited to hear Keita Takahashi’s off-the-wall classic pretty much came to life moments ago when a drunk driver ran over a bike messenger who got tangled in the bumper and is still being dragged by the…

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Author: The Onion on Onion Gamers Network, shared by The Onion to The Onion

Top 6 Happiest Countries In The World

Education: Top Finnish-language program in world

Source Of Tranquility: Near total ethnic homogeneity

National Anthem: Repeatedly chanting “Finland” in increasing volume until things sort of die out

Most Popular Dish: Pickled ice

Life Expectancy: 80.63 years, but in Finland

Last Violent Crime: Cudgel War of 1596

Prison

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Author: The Onion

‘They Can’t Impeach Someone They Can’t See,’ Say Trump Boys Cramming Dad Into Homemade Bunker Under Oval Office Desk

WASHINGTON—Hastily concealing the “super top secret” shelter’s entrance with a couch cushion, the Trump boys reportedly declared “They can’t impeach someone they can’t see” Friday while cramming their dad into a homemade bunker under the Oval Office desk. “The House peach managers [sic] are never, ever gonna be able…

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Author: The Onion on Politics, shared by The Onion to The Onion