Nuclear Scientists Fucking Around In Friend’s Backyard Run Away After Stuffing Fission Bomb Into Coke Can

LOS ALAMOS, NM—Giggling as they made sure the atomic explosive’s tritium-deuterium ignition module had been properly engaged, nuclear scientists employed at Los Alamos National Laboratory were seen sprinting away from ground zero after stuffing a fission bomb into a can of Coca-Cola in a friend’s backyard Friday. “Oh…

Read more…

Go to Source
Author: The Onion

‘Kingdom Hearts III’ DLC Developers Panicking After Realizing ‘Shrek’ Not Owned By Disney

After spending countless hours integrating elements from the popular 2001 animated fantasy film into role-playing game Kingdom Hearts III’s upcoming DLC, Japanese developer Square Enix reportedly spent Thursday thrown into a state of panic after realizing Shrek is not owned by Disney but rather by DreamWorks…

Read more…

Go to Source
Author: The Onion on Onion Gamers Network, shared by The Onion to The Onion

Last Remaining Chinese Paddlefish Cackling In Rafters Of World Wildlife Fund Press Conference Declaring It Extinct

GLAND, SWITZERLAND—Sneering with delight from a darkened catwalk far above the audience, the final remaining Chinese Paddlefish was reportedly cackling Thursday in the rafters of a World Wildlife Fund press conference declaring it extinct. “Look at those fools down there with their phony tears and empty words, little…

Read more…

Go to Source
Author: The Onion